My birth mother’s right to privacy was all I ever thought about.
- Not because my parents told me I was chosen. (They did).
- Not because I wasn’t curious about my “roots.” (I was).
For me, it was something more primal. I knew there were two children before me (my sisters), and a baby that lived less than two days.
I knew in my heart that I didn’t replace that baby, but oh how I wanted to!
A couple of times, I jumped out of my self-indulgent fantasy-land to consider the thoughts, motivations and feeling of others. As early as first grade, my friend Karen gave me thoughts about my Original mother, discussed here:http://wp.me/p2GNGE-cb
Although I didn’t yet have the experience and language skills to express this thought, I already knew I had the power to hurt George and Bernice, and that was the last thing I ever wanted to do.
I wanted to be the best, most obedient, cooperative child in the world, early on, so that they’d keep me, later; so that I could fill the void created by their lost child. I wanted to fill a void that I thought GOD HIMSELF created! Good thing I didn’t also suffer from delusions of grandeur!
Years later I would read about the Baby Scoop Era and became paranoid. I believed that my original mother was somewhere out there, hurting, and that I was the only person who held the key to end her suffering.
See what happened here? I went from ending her suffering by NOT (bothering her, outing her, searching for her, acknowledging her existence ) to being pretty sure that I was the one person in the universe that could provide her with some healing.
What does this have to do with baby Veronica?
Because it matters what YOU think, and it matters what I think. But who will know if we don’t talk about it?
I have read the court documents and there are too many things that just don’t match up for me to see this biological father not having his kid.
As a community, we spend much time rehashing the past. It is time we make some idealistic goals and laws that have to do with the way it is today and move forward.
Every adoptive parent fears that someone will walk in the door and steal their baby. Is it because a faulty broken system made it their baby in the first place?
Does this mean that I think there should be no adoption? Of course not. Does it mean that I think “tough luck” to the infertile couple waiting for a baby to put into their new, shiny nursery? Don’t be silly.
Babies are not commodities and should not be bought, sold or legislated as such. Technology changing mores, add to this picture but do not complete the picture. The industry that is adoption grows exponentially as we are unwilling or unable to stop it, partly because we are unable to see it for what it has become.
MORE ABOUT ME
I write generally non-controversial self deprecating reminiscence and avoid political confrontation. (But hey, government! What’s up?). I like to post pictures of kittens and strange pairings of animals. I feel compelled to speak because the world is a changing place, and the time is ripe for compassion and reason to be part of the remodel.
BACK TO VERONICA, NO LONGER A BABY
I tend to think that no matter what media/court records we are privy to, we never have enough facts to weigh in on situations. I play devil’s advocate a lot. I like it if I can make you think/rethink you opinions. But what do I think about baby Veronica?
I think she is being stolen. Do the people that have her love her? Can they provide “the best” home? I am sure they love her. But there is something a little off I in their story/behavior. And I think we need to rethink what “the best home” means.
In America, it seems that “the best home” means 2 children with 2 heterosexual parents, a minivan with a “My Kid Is An Honor Student” bumper-sticker and a ‘soccer-mom’ doing the driving. Again I find myself saying “Don’t be silly.” What is your idea of “the best home?” Hopefully it is your own home, and we are all trying to do the very best we can.
HOW CAN I HELP?
- Work to improve the lives of all children. By doing so, you will touch the lives of adoptees!
- Learn the laws in your state. For example, my state just did this: http://www.nj-care.org/ An admittedly biased link, I chose it because it is a local example portraying a step in the proper direction. Agree or not, contact your representatives and see how they vote.
- Compare laws with other states. See if they are superior. Strive for best practices.
I hear people often lamenting that they don’t have the time, or money, to make a difference. Here is an opportunity where you really can, even if you have never thought about the subject before. Start by Googling “what happens to adoptee records in my state 2013.” Read it and see if it seems right to get involved.
Links related to this subject:
Oh and if you haven’t, please read my post about the puzzle cube, originally posted here:
http://dontwelookalike.com/2013/06/10/suggesting-a-new-image-for-adoption/ It was inspired by a family of bloggers who share a wide variety of thoughts and opinions on the topics of open and closed adoptions. Thanks!